basketball092

Gastronomic Delights (NBA Power Rankings) E-mail
Written by Don   
Thursday, 12 March 2009 13:58
Ok, yet again I had to call on the somewhat diminished wits (at least... after this one!) of Usher/46 (thanks again guys!) to accomplish this.  Truly bizarre to rank the NBA teams then comment on them as 'food' or 'drink', but hey, we did it.  Some of them are a stretch, some not so shabby.  You decide, and add your own if you like!

With Malice NBA Pawaa Rannkingu!

Chocolate1. LA Lakers (1): Chocolate.  You wish it wasn’t so damn good...
2. Cleveland Cavaliers (2): Sliced Bread.  Lebron is the best thing since... well, you get the picture.
Also Lebron might well be the flour - because take the flour out of bread and what are you left with?  A whole heap o' crap...
coke3. Boston Celtics (3): Curry.  Good, but you spend the next few hours worrying about the nasty habit of repeating it has...
4. Orlando Magic (6): Jam Filled Donut.  By intself is already nice but it's center is where it's completely awesome...
5. Utah Jazz (8): Coke.  The Real Thing...
6. San Antonio Spurs (4): Good Wine.  Gets better with age...
7. Portland Trail Blazers (9): Filet Mignon (eye-fillet steak with bacon and mushroom).  Very good, has a touch of the international feel to it - on the verge of becoming something very special...
8. Houston Rockets (7): Apple Crumble.  Very nice, but just breaks apart too damn easy...
9. New Orleans Hornets (10): Nachos.  They're good, but won't keep you full for very long.  If eaten as a main dish, you'll notice that something's missing...
10. Denver Nuggets (5): Porterhouse steak. Good, solid stuff.  Nothing fantastic, no bells & whistles, but substantial and a favourite...vanilla-coke
11. Dallas Mavericks (11): Bratwurst.  German-made but still doesnt mean it's good...
12. Miami Heat (13): KFC.  They have one good thing, and one thing only...
13. Atlanta Hawks (15): Marshmallow.  Just plain soft...
14. Philadelphia 76ers (14): Vanilla Coke.  Was oh-so-much better before they added stuff...
15. Detroit Pistons (18): Big Mac.  Once was the king but now is slowing fading away thanks to younger, newer, tastier, better burgers...
16. Phoenix Suns (12): Coke Zero.  Tries to be like Coke but despite every effort, everyone knows it isn't the real thing...
17. Chicago Bulls (17): M and M's.  Enjoyable, but when you get down to it, it's just slight variations on the same thing...
18. Charlotte Bobcats (22): Candy.  Exciting enough, but lacks any real substance.  Never going to be anyone's main dish...
19. Oklahoma City Thunder (21): A donut.  Very nice but there's no disguising the massive hole in the middle...
20. New Jersey Nets (19) McDonalds. Every now and then you just have to have some... but when you're done you spend the next few hours wondering why you bothered...
21. Golden State Warriors (20): Prune Juice.  It's pretty crap even tho' healthy - and gives you the runs...
22. Indiana Pacers (23): Roast lamb.  Fantastic at home with all the trimmings, but doesn't travel well...
VB23. Milwaukee Bucks (16): Fried Rice. Filling enough, and gets the job done.  But you're left wanting something more...
24. New York Knicks (24): Beer.  Can make ugly look good...
25. Toronto Raptors (26): Baconaise (It's bacon flavored mayo!!!). Seemed like a good idea at the time... pity it is goddamn awful!
26. Memphis Grizzlies (27): Sushi.  Raw and servings are too small.
27. Washington Wizards (28): Light Beer – What a waste...
28. LA Clippers (25): Pepsi.  Will always be second best in LA...
29. Minnesota Timberwolves (30): Baked Beans - Just thinking about it gives me gas...
30. Sacramento Kings (29): Natto (fermented soy beans - Japanese dish).  So what if it's healthy!  If something smells like ass, looks like it came outta ass, and tastes appropriately - you know it's not good... just thinking about it makes me want to puke.
natto

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Comments (10)Add Comment
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written by Alex, March 12, 2009
Amazing article, very cool metaphors!
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written by with-malice, March 12, 2009
Thanks Alex, third one we've done.
The others were movie quotes, and songs.
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written by Kris, March 12, 2009
Wow did you get sponsored by Coke in this post? How much did they give you. Thank you for wasting my time this morning.
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written by Rott, March 12, 2009
24. New York Knicks (24): Beer. Can make ugly look good...

Ouch.
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written by with-malice, March 12, 2009
Kris, you're hilarious - 2 coke pictures? A waste of time?
Heh, I'm you're so busy that the 3 minutes it took to read it was a waste of time... riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
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written by jz, March 13, 2009
good read. I thought the nets one was pretty funny.
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written by brumbygg, March 13, 2009
Getting just a little concerned about the ability of curry to repeat given that it looks like they'll be eating out rather than at home when it gets to the pointy end of things
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written by brumbygg, March 13, 2009
"Wow did you get sponsored by Coke in this post? How much did they give you. Thank you for wasting my time this morning"

You either work for Pepsi or are a complete w&nker..... perhaps both

3 words for you.... get a life!

and maybe 3 more..... f%*k right off

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written by whaaaaaaaat, March 17, 2009
lol from germany
hope you guys in the big usa can divide between a meal/food (bread,wine etc) and something offered by a company(bigmac/kfc/coke) which is no meal/food but just some corporate product.#other than that i like the article.thanks
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written by with-malice, March 18, 2009
Hehe... hey man, and welcome. Thing is - none of the people involved in this were from the US. I'm from Australia, and live in Japan - the other two guys live in Oz still.

All done tongue in cheek...

Great to have a visitor from Germany tho' - hope you come back!

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